Another Love


I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care

I met you when you were broken.

I was broken too, but if I had a trolley, you had an entire baggage train tethered to your shoulders. I courted youwithout meaning to, I kissed you without meaning to.

Now that I stand on the porch of your house, I try to feel optimistic. The little devils that always whisper in my head, I fight them back, tune them out; I want to make you smile.

You need all the love you can get, but I kick a stray pebble with the scruff of my heel, wondering if I could give you anything at all.

It is true that I am here at your doorstep, to take you out, to watch your pretty smile and comment on your eyes.

But it’s so cold and I don’t know where

I bite my lip, wondering where I could go without being overwhelmed by memories. I wonder where I could find a spot, where my past hadn’t leaked its colours.
I brought you daffodils in a pretty string

I push the thoughts away as you come out the door, forgetting everything for a moment because of the way you look at me.

You’ve dressed up for me, and that brings a lump to my throat. I am so scared.

“Are those for me?” The smile is hidden in your eyes, but I know where to find it.

I startle, blushing and staring at the stupid bunch of flowers in my hand.

I offer them to you, not trusting myself to speak.
But they won’t flower like they did last spring

They look paltry. Some of the petals had dropped off on my way here. I hadn’t really thought it through to be honest. I bought them off a cart at red light.

Romanticism came hard to me these days. My mind goes back to the unbidden well of memories of the times when love came so easy, when courting wasn’t a haphazard impulse but an elaborate dance I knew all the steps to.

 

And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

I see you hold them tenderly. You don’t see the inadequacy of my gift the way I do. The adoration at the tilt of your head, the quiver of your lip as you look at me trying to quell the flood of love I knew so well – and I want to hold you. I want to share your happiness.

I wish I could give you more than slow, laborious efforts; I wish I could love you the way I had loved her.

I’m just so tired to share my nights

Heavy chains weigh my arms down. Every movement is agony as I lift my hand to catch your wrist. To an onlooker I might be a reticent lover, but I wish I could tell you how far I’d be going for you.

I stand on ice, and I am so scared to lift you in my arms.

I wanna cry and I wanna love

But all my tears have been used up

As you hold onto me late at night, I can smell the flowers in your hair, marks of my broken passion. I want to give into you the way you give into me; but I can’t seem to find it in me, in the hollow where my heart used to be.

I see reality where I saw paradise. I’m so far away from all I could have been for you.

On another love, another love

The past doesn’t haunt me, no. I wouldn’t have held on to your hand then.

But what happens if you gave your all to somebody? Where do you find more love?
My sweet, I would give you everything you deserve, but all I have is sand – sand on my tongue, sand in my heart, a barren desert.

Because:

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

I remember the way you curled up against me. You looked at me like I could save you.

I was once a hero, now I’m just broken.

I was once a knight, now my armor is dented.

And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight

I see the bruises, even though you try to hide them. I feel the fire of possession burn through me. I am angry. Blindingly, inexplicably angry.

I want to chase your tormentors down the street, batter their brains to pulp. You hold onto me, and I am supposed to be your knight.

The way I had been to her.

But my hands been broken, one too many times

Caution draws me one step back, and then two. I look at you, and I am scared again. Pain makes me a coward.

You lay curled on the floor, but I know you would forget my hurt someday the way she had.

So I’ll use my voice, I’ll be so fucking rude

Words they always win, but I know I’ll lose

So I fight, but not well enough. I give you, but I don’t give you enough.

Everything I had is now lost.

I am a knight no more. I am broken, just the way you are.

I know it isn’t fair to you, but pain makes me such a coward.

And I’d sing a song, that’d be just ours

You’re laughing again, and I can’t help but stare. I want you to stay happy so I give you something you want.

I do the things that lovers do.

I sit down all night, my eyes burn as I try to find something new to do for you.

But I sang ’em all to another heart

Everything I could give, I have given to someone else. So I give you the things I’ve given her before, knowing you’ll love them better.

I try to forget but she is always there, in the inadequacy of my love for you.

And I wanna cry I wanna learn to love

But all my tears have been used up

I know you want me to rely on you, but I refuse. I want to trust, and I feel tears prick my eyes as you hold me.

For a moment there is hope. I feel my world swivel as I cling to you, reveling in the scent of your skin.

I think my heart is melting, blooming, bursting.

Then it fades, as quickly as itcame, replaced by the dull emptiness.

And I remember:

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love

All my tears have been used up

On another love, another love.

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