My parents have a ‘difficult’ daughter.

My parents have always wanted the best for me.
And I’ve always tried my best to demand the least from them.
At the same time I’ve been a decadent and indulgent person, so often I come into situations where my demons wrestle with my urge to be the angelic sweetheart.

I simply cannot explain to them why I can’t make a certain sacrifice they ask of me, but at the same time I just cannot bow down with grace and accept their compromise.
A fierce selfishness emerges from the crossfire and my parents stare at me like they don’t recognise me anymore.

They don’t understand that I’m not ungrateful. I want to. Sincerely want to help them by giving them what they want.
And in the end, I will give them exactly what they want.
But at the same time, the external factors which are forcing me into this compromise angers me, and I cannot mask it.

I don’t necessarily hate them, or am angry with them. I’m angry with the situation, and no matter how much I try, I cannot hide the discomfort and dissatisfaction it is causing me.
Having analysed the reason behind their little angel having grown claws, I still can’t see any solution out of it.
I’m thrashing around trying to breathe, and I’m sincerely sorry that it’s scratching those who are keeping me alive.

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