Cause you’re my religion, you’re how I’m living,
When I’m down on my knees
You’re how I pray. – religion, Lana Del Rey.
You’re so beautiful to me baby. I know, you’d look up at me with those doe eyes, surprised at my assumed familiarity.
Do you even remember me? I do. I remember everything about you.
More importantly, I remember how I felt, standing next to you.
Because I’m going deeper,
Harder and harder,
Getting darker and darker, looking for love. – Ldr.
I remember meeting your eyes, the start that went through my system, the involuntary smile that crept to my lips.
Before I caught myself, because women don’t smile at each other like that.
Those longing stares are reserved for straight couples,atleast in my world.
You probably didn’t even like women.
If you did, would you like me? A small part of my brain answers: shut up whore, no one cares about you.
As natural it is, for you to look surprised at the way I smiled at you, it is for me to have you imprinted at the back of my skull.
The way your shorn hair kissed the nape of your neck, the stray streak of a faded shade of red on the brown strands.
The mole on your cheek bone, and the one just by the skin of your neck.
All of which I saw when you leaned back against me, because I was a woman, and you were too short to grab onto the railings on the moving train.
You had no idea, what you were doing to me.
In that one moment, you made me yours so completely, that now everything seems like a shadow of itself.
Suddenly, the world made sense. All the unfairness, all the deceit, seemed worthwhile.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to kill myself.
I keep wondering if I should have said anything to you,but how many levels of creepy would that be?
I already felt like a sleazebag for staring at you.
But I promise I couldn’t stop myself.
Every cell of my body just realized at the same time that my purpose in life is to make this stranger happy.
Because you’re familiar, even though I know nothing about you, and I am mourning having lost something I never had.