What the fuck is a hand-held massager?
Its the ultimate tool for recluses.
(After vibrators of course. )
A simple word, with more depth in it than a visualisation of the Mandelbrot set.
There is a certain hand-massager called oism’s UPamper.
It is unreasonably heavy and has lain in neglect for the past five six years in the house.
The last time I picked it up I got a sprain on my wrist.
This time however, I discovered the pure bliss of mechanised vibrations on your body. ( NOT the PG 13 ones)
I should probably warn whoever is reading this, that this post has no point save that of an endorphin-induced rant on how good it was.
It reinforced my faith in technological advances, that ungainly panther-like creature really did.
Its a stroke of pure genius.
Sometimes I have contemplated getting ahold of a significant-other just to avail the demand a free massage coupon, but that idea went out of the window.
This is it.
It is the ultimate tool of independence from the vicious cycle of feeling terrible, lonely, and bloody sore all day.
When that grubby beast goes purring down your back, sending crazed vibrations up your arm as it eases all those knots that have been accumulating due to attempts at being a drunk superman, it feels like your first crush just smiled back at you.
When you drag the massage wand across your shoulder and up the back of your neck, where the ache of bending over smart phones resides.
Warning: inappropriate sounds
My eyes grew heavy, and I understood the kick of foot-fetish(its a thing) when I placed my feet on that perfect little heat-oozing devil.
Finally, I tried it on my waist and when it rode over my skin, the sensation loosened my limbs and
I twisted my hand because that thing is fucking heavy.
No worries though, I ran the huge unwieldy beast over my arm and now it feels pretty good.
Save the constant buzz that makes me feel like I was inside a washing machine.
Upamper needs someone to pamper U.
It basically makes your boyfriend/girlfriends massage-job easier.
It is definitely not for massaging your own back.
If you’re single, you don’t get massages.