Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

Hot damn it
Your booty like two planets
Go head, and go ham sandwich
Cas you know what to do with that big fat butt
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle. ”

I’ve heard this song close to a hundred times, and played it on various occasions while having fun with my friends, or alone when I needed something to crazy dance to.

The video is unremarkable, with a few men bursting champagnes, throwing around money and living the so-called good life. While a dozen of women with artificially perfected butts wriggling contently because Snoop Dogg says “wont you wiggle wiggle for the D.O.G.G”

Nothing about it is new, not the overcrowd of flesh, the derogation and objectification of women, nothing is so unexpected that you point and say, “hey, that’s sick, stop it”

In fact, its so normal, that Its almost funny. After all, Jason Derulo sang something so uniquely misogynist that it didn’t even qualify as offensive. ‘Talk Dirty’ flew through the charts for its deep lyrical significance and globalized thought process. After all “Been around the world don’t speak the language, but your booty don’t need explaining “ is so widely accepting of all women who have beautiful backsides, that it almost sounds like feminist propaganda.

Now I’m a simple girl, I understand very little about inequality, social standards and don’t even qualify as a hardcore feminist.

In fact, I freely admit to have had talk dirty on repeat on various occasions.

But there is something different about wiggle, and I hadn’t noticed it until today. So I googled the lyrics, read it carefully, and figured out exactly why.

When Snoop Dogg whines through songs like “I wanna make you wet.” You feel slightly nauseous but its okay, its not as bad as some of the catcalls you hear while walking down the street.

At the end of the day, all these songs are idolising the female body, and whoever the song is addressed to, feels special because a billionaire is recognising in you the impossible and absurd standards of his visual gratification.

But wiggle is a different genre all together. If you listen to it carefully, it sounds like a bunch of guys surrounding a girl and bullying the fuck out her.

Hey, yo, Jason
Say somethin’ to her
Holla at her
[Laughs]
I got one question
How do you fit all that… in them jeans?
[Laughs]” –actual lyrics, from an actual song.

Yes. Wiggle literally begins with a guy asking another guy to catcall.

But hey, when you see a woman, what is that question that is literally killing you?

How does she fit her ass in her jeans?

Now, I try to see the best in people, so I am willing to believe, that this is not some form of insult, but a genuine ignorance about the mysterious concept of a size chart.

But then it proceeds to a line that blows my mind.

“You know what to do with that big fat butt”

Uh.

You just called her butt big and fat and then asked her to wriggle it, because that is your idea of how to talk to a girl?

And it just gets better:

Tired of working at 9 to 5, honey let me come and change your life

How many female singers go around asking men to do a helicopter dick if they’re sick of their job?

And how does he propose to improve the life of this big-bootied working lady?

If I took pictures while you do your dance, I could make you famous on Instagram”

Yes, because that’s all a woman might ever need.

Of course not, we also want to get married and settled, but Jason has that covered too.

Patty cake, Patty cake
With no hands
Got me in this club making wedding plans”

Because if a girl moves her ass on the dance floor, she wants to get married to you.

But don’t you dare say Snoop doesn’t treat his women right, he wants to strip you, dip you, flip you, bubble bathe you.

I skipped the rest of the paragraph because I don’t have the patience to elucidate on some badly written metaphors for blowjobs and anal sex.

Now, while it’s completely unfair of me to make fun of something that was written in honest jest by some men who just want to get famous, and there are probably a hundred songs worse than this; I just wanted to point out how conditioned we are to objectification.

And this, this song is downright bullying.

If someone says “you’re a star girl, take a bow” it is meant as a compliment, as something worthwhile, not so that you can check my ass out.

When Nine Inch Nails growls into a microphone “I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside”
Its aggression is explained with “you bring me closer to God” and its an angst filled rant of lust.
What is wiggle?
Eve- teasing to a catchy tune, that’s what.

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