I know everything, or I pretend like I do.

And that kind of works. Except in an exam hall, turns out you can’t make up your own physics laws.

Lets start with a quote.

All the world is a stage. –William Shakespeare, but you already knew that.

Now, with that tiny little over-used quotation I have established the fact that I am moderately well-versed in English literature,
or not.
But, I have to pretend, I have to keep up the appearance, hold up an image, which is more of what I aspire to be, than what I really am.
And guess what? I’m not the only one doing it.

Its the election season, and everyone has put on their acting hats.
The Republican candidates are pretending to be funny and offensive.
The candidates representing my state are pretending to care, ‘for humanity.’
The common-people are pretending to know about the intricacies of international and national politics,
And I am pretending to be seeing through it all.
I’m also in on the ‘pretending to be funny and well-versed in politics’ joke, but that’s’ pretty damn obvious

Why do we need to pretend? In some fields it is necessary, to being some semblance of parity into structured societies, and you no- so that we don’t turn into a wild pack of cannibalistic barbarians.
We pretend certain sheets of paper, have a lot of value because they come from a certain place with a number written on it.
No, you can’t buy booze with monopoly money, believe me, I tried.
That’s necessary, we all can’t press goddamn money in our basements, that’d make no sense.
We pretend a certain line cannot be crossed, I cant bloody well jump over a neighbouring country’s fence.
Boundaries are important.
Or lines we draw and declare as boundaries are important.
(You also could pee to show your territory, but that’s kind of gross.)

But let’s face it, we also pretend about things that need no pretending, but we still do it, because humans are fucking batshit crazy.
Pardon the language.

For example, today a miserable single friend complained ‘why do women play hard to get?’
Because, bitch you’re gonna call her easy and walk away otherwise.

We pretend to like things everyone else likes, yes Birdman, I’m talking to you.
(Just kidding, that movie was awesome.)
We pretend to like people we don’t, and spend half our lives trying to sneak in a well-disguised insult into the fake-smile conversations we have to endure. All of us have family members we can’t stand.

We pretend to adjust, to sympathise, to care, to opinionate with things we don’t give two shits about.
Its all an elaborate plan, a complicated dance that has no rhyme or reason, but we all do it because we cannot not do it.

Because if we don’t do it, we are bitches, complicated or Looney macaronis.

All of us go home, and sigh in relief, that we finally don’t have to pretend. We can put on pajamas and snore, drool and fart to our hearts content.

This post really has no particular point, does it?
Whatever. I’ll pretend not to care about what other people think. Another very important factor in our quest for fine living.

We have schemes, pseudo-techniques of fooling ourselves into not caring.
Such elaborate plots, of telling yourself she was ugly when you get rejected, or that the job was not that great when they don’t call you back.
Pretention is the cornerstone of civilised society, because the mind, can believe anything if you say it convincingly enough.

And if we can pretend the earth to be at rest, during most elementary mechanical physics calculations, or that tan ø = ø for very small values, we can pretend monkey faced Trump or the green-grocer-turned-electorate MP in our state will bring in good reforms to our burning sad worlds.

And I can pretend like I did something substantial even if I fell asleep on my books because I wrote a nonsensical piece about something I know nothing about.

Cheers, my fellow actors.
Really, The Academy should award all of us.


2 thoughts on “I know everything, or I pretend like I do.

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