In response to the a to z challenge
Where am I supposed to lie,
If I can’t lie with you?
-how am I supposed to die, civil twilight.
There isn’t a bigger one. There isnt a better liar than your heart. There it lies, torn and bloodied on the floor,acting like it’s done for, like it has spent every drop of its worthless blood on your tears. It aches like there is no tomorrow, a pathetic whimpering dying organism.
You’d think it’s done for.
You’d think it wouldnt be able to take anymore. You’d think it’s all over but, oh dear it’s just begun.
You’ll feel it shamelessly revive. You’ll watch it throb, hurt and yearn again. It will push you where you shouldn’t go, it will make you ask for the last thing you should.
It will flood your mind like it’s doomsday, make the simplest thing into a hanging knot. It will make you fall, so deep you think you’re sitting beside Lucifer, and then it’ll pull you down further.
Then, battered and broken, this warrior will come back to life. Spluttering, cracking, breaking and moulding, it will revive. It will stay, weary and beaten till one day it will decide to throw itself against wave-breakers. It will shatter against boulders, while your nails try to remove them, to stop them, to do anything to keep this fool from its masochism.
Yet you’re a sadist, aren’t you? You’ll find that out, when your heart burns down and you love how it feels.
You will lie too, feeling it break, letting it break.
You’re no better. You want your heart to hurt. You think that’s the only thing it should be doing.
You don’t want it in love, you want it in pain.
Love is convenient too, the flimsiest things you take and put in a cage, watch it die and draw a tally mark in your heart with a knife.
You’re a liar, and so is your heart.
You watch it hurt, you revel in the hurt because that’s the only thing you’re not afraid of. Happiness is passing, it will disappear to leave emptiness in its wake.
But hurt? Hurt is the biggest lie of all.
It’s going to stay forever, in broken smiles and sleepless nights.
It will stay and lie till you laugh at the truth.