Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Salt, tongue and salt and indifference.
I grow, a little by little
Almost there, the walls are almost closed,
I’ve lost everything, almost.
My only war is with reason,
Cold, unrelenting reason that picks me up
Brings me back to what is life.
After the storms leave me, when I’m abandoned, used and abused by all that I picked over reason.
Why do I hate reason then? Why do I hate the safety of my invisibility, my apathy?
Why does the pain appeal more, why does breaking seem like the better way
Why do I fight against reason till I’m lying in its arms, misspent and broken, misused by all but what I hate the most?
When your heart has only learnt to yearn
For things it cannot ever get,
Reason, clinical thoughts are safest.
Yet I go back, knock on doors,
Rub the chalk-marked lines.
I chase what I shouldn’t, take what I wish I hadn’t.
In the end, I lie in the dust, sand choked laughter,
Amusement on my tongue as I watch
My dreams burn,
An inferno in a dustbin.