Sedated

Based on the track sedated by hozier 
Just a little rush, babe
To feel dizzy, to derail the mind of me
Prayer beads on my fingers, one falls after another, I hadn’t known I was praying. I was only looking at you and holding my breath. From the heel of my left foot digging into the floor, to my fingers raking through the silk of my strands, every bit of me was restless. I felt the metallic tang of blood when I breathed your name.
I just wanted a taste, one whiff of insanity,
Just a little hush, babe
Every step I take down the spiral staircases is drawn by your gaze, by the tilt of your head- I am falling.
You stand, warm like a wolf’s hide, forests and frost. I am seeped in cold who would dare say it is the middle of summer. Just your presence and I could feel the layers peeling, one after the other, naked, coiled, I was cracking before you.
You are like a statue, Grecian, perfect. A lightning bolt courses through me when your eyes study me, someone says your name but I have already drowned.
You offer your hand, the fingers straight, a command in the fluidity of an offer- you’re not asking, you are taking. The first step on the marble floor and I am claimed
A dance where you are the grace, and I am a ragdoll.
Darker, my blood throbbing, into my head, my heart, my mind and soul till I am fizzing out of control, tethered to reality with your smile.
With your arms around my waist, you are pushing me beyond pleasure, boring into me, as we sail across the dance-floor. Neither of us hear the whispers, warnings of the dangers and the prohibitions- the impossibilities of our embrace,
Our veins are busy but my heart’s in atrophy
Flushed cheeks, satin and pearls, standing by the hearth and staring at a room full of strangers, till I am startled by your hand on my back. A thunder clap outside and my world is confused. I raggedly inhale your scent- a combination of crushed fragile things, pure hope and the jagged steel of innocence.
The wine falls onto the floor, the moss grows over the gashes your eyes had left on my skin, you stand behind me- still, cold, impersonal, yet warm, melting against me. My mouth is on fire, the wood between us is coming back to life, cracking the varnish. I feel the wildness in my system,
Any way to distract and sedate
Cracking shells, touching you and scalding my fingers, your long white fingers highlighting the fire, chasing deamons up my back as I cup your face. My head bows, I feel the defeat in my bones.
The sky cackles, the furies laugh. Fate is sealed tonight, with your touch.
Adding shadows to the walls of the cave
You and I nursing on a poison that never stung
A rose between our lips, we drink dewdrops in the morning, heady. I am almost a part of you, but you’re not a person, you are the pain, the abstract in the wind.
We chased time, the silk of my clothes lie abandoned, my jewels strewn on the floor. You lay asleep beside me, bathed in sunlight, and I cannot help wonder as I touch your nose, feeling you exhale, the adams apple rising and falling. Your body is barely restraining you, your soul is everywhere, I inhale you with every breath I take.
Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it
You should have sneaked out in the morning, but we were so flagrant, so open. Cherries between your teeth, and I pluck them with kisses tasting of unimaginable happiness. The world is judging us though, we won’t get away with this, but we are intoxicated, I am smudged into you.
Consequences catch up though, and the hammer of condemnation falls on my head. Brilliant pain and the blood bursts cherry red as I collapse, the last thing I see is the horror in your eyes. You almost wonder at my state- confused at how much I am suffering. I’m barely breathing but you? You were just playing.
Somewhere for this, death and guns
I recovered, they said. Yet I felt empty, hollow without your presence. A darkness had bloomed inside me and I felt nothing anymore. Staring at nothing from dusk to dawn, I was almost a ghost locked in my tower of guilt. One night though, I woke up in a fit of fever. Shaking from head to toe, soaked in sweat, my blurry eyes perceived the horror of you sitting opposite to me. You were looking at me, flicking  candle, coaxing the flame. I climbed down from the bed, mesmerised by the sheaf of letters filled in your neat hand, the only memories I had of you. You take a match and light it, burning an inferno between us. Then you take my hand, pull me aching and stumbling away from my prison.
The world screams at us, the sea pours over us, yet I see the determination in your eyes never falter. All you know, is you want me, heedless of the world you simply take.
I am staring outside the window in your house, a side of me is frozen, where your hand steadily explored my body; peeling through my skin and into my soul. The people throng outside, affronted and angry but
We are deaf, we are numb
Free and young and we can feel none of it

Something isn’t right, babe
I keep catching little words but the meaning’s thin

The thirteenth night I wake up in fright, someone had broken a glass pelting their sinners with stones. I am terrified as you look at me, the mouth curled in a half smile, your strange accent are like fireflies that weave a gauze, trapping words you are picking out of thin air. You coax me back into senselessness but outside the horizon is darkening, the storm you promised you had warded away was here.
When they break our house down, I see all that you held dear being wrecked I break inside. Steeling my voice, hardening a heart that was almost liquid in your presence I tell you it cannot go on. Standing in your backyard, the heavy sky begins to drizzle with the first drops of rain. As I implored, I saw your skin harden. Your face a mask of glowing embers that I cannot touch. Your mouth turns into a pout, displeasure like that of nature, an avalanche crashing down upon me.
The steps are taken backwards, like lashes from a whip, every time you move away, there is no malice, only anger that accentuates the lines of your face. When the door shuts with the finality of a deathblow, for a moment I am afloat, numb down to my teeth.
Your absence is a physical wound, like my soul was devoid of air, and it was shrinking. I was steadily drying up, a grey leaf on an evergreen tree. And you, singing two octaves higher, spun around town like a wound that festers only to have butterflies come out of its cysts.
I’m somewhere outside my life, babe
I find the hollow you created inside, and pull it out, it lays on the floor, a spiral of endlessness, an infinite on the otherside of which you wait.
I am not forgiven though, back in a cage, watching you hold, touch and mold everything around you. You were forgiven, and I was condemned. With my wrists bleeding, the chains heavy I wished I could curl up inside myself, but my soul is yours now, and you’ve kept it locked away,
I keep scratching but somehow I can’t get in.
So we’re slaves to any semblance of touch
Till you return one day, drawn to me. I am your wine and you are my opiate. Through the haze we decide nothing matters anymore, I can barely think with the pain alleviated. Your fingertips have stardust and you heal me. Your gaze holds the entire universe, but I keep drowning in the blackholes. I am drawn to the darkness inside you, almost chasing the abyss that you hold behind the innocence. My skin sears your arms, leaving bruises. We are struggling, drugged, chasing each other out of synchrony.
When you leave, the come with their talks of sin and redemption, taking from me till I crumble into pain.
You come to me, often, in my delirious fits I find you snuffing yourself from the inside
Everytime your thumb traces down my waist, I burst into a riot of colours, escaping the cold walls and breaking into a million pieces. It hurts a thousand ways, the way we dance to the tune endlessly, spinning in circles till we have reached the stars
Lord we should quit but we love it too much

Sedated we’re nursing on a poison that never stung
Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it

An endless dance, where for every depravity of yours, I match with a lash of my own, you are a conquerer,  I feel nature bend to your will. You contend with a stubborn opponent though for I have a fire still, even if it burns my fingers to ashes.
Through the cracks of my insanity I watch your smile, break a hundred souls, a few stars falling from the sky. My eyes staring in wonder at the man who could have easily been a storm.
The sentence came for me, the soldiers wielding weapons useless compared to the pain of your touch.
Somewhere for this, death and guns
They come for us, they come for me, I tremble, exhausted. Public execution they say. Something inside me is afraid that I might lose you-
Yet, you laugh, the veins in your arms ripple as you tear the earth and sky, then lie in the dust, tired, looking up at me with childish satisfaction; telling me:
We are deaf, we are numb
Free and young and we can feel none of it
 I am human it suddenly occurs to you. Remembering how I burned under your touch, under the madness of your gaze, something sinks through your consciousness that tell you we might never meet again.
Your eyes begin to drink me in, memorise me till I am ripping apart, a flimsy soul tethered by a string that stretched and snaps. I am unreeling.
Then they are dragging me away, my feet leaden. My soul suffocates as you blink almost indifferently, your eyes wide as if you cannot comprehend our reality. I am screaming myself hoarse inside, the frozen lips fervently praying
Darlin’, don’t you, stand there watching, won’t you
Come and save me from it
But then, there you are, untouched, looking at me strapped to a the cross. They are tossing wood into my pyre, and then they light the match.
As I burn at the stake, the last thing I see is that curl of your smile. I beg helplessly as my body chars in agony
Darlin’, don’t you, join in, you’re supposed to
Drag me away from it
But I am fading, burning in the circles of hell while you watch untouched. Your innocence setting you free, while we both had sought
Any way to distract and sedate
As you stand watching, my eyes close, Im frozen in the fire, numbed by memories that hail and bruise my skin. The unbearable heat is gone and all I can feel is you, your memories smothering me and cocooning me. The first time your name fell from my lips echoed my last breath
Adding shadows to the walls of the cave
As I burn in painlessness, you stand still. The world satisfied in its crusade, their infernal appetite sated.
They think they have won, having broken us. I can feel the mirth in your tongue though, it echoes mine now that I am nothing but ashes. I fly in the wind and caress your lips, coat the eyelashes, lose their way in every breath that you take. As your eyes blink, the sky rips, its raining again.
Nobody will ever dare touch you, or me again.
It’s eternity now, here endlessly
You and I nursing on a poison that never stung
Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it
Somewhere for this, death and guns
We are deaf, we are numb
Free and young and we can feel none of it.

Here, we lay together, endlessly sedated.

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